Afterlife
by Trinity144
Summary: Set after Edward leaves in New Moonhint hint SPOILERS its how Bella feels. just some drabble. songfic, oneshot
1. Chapter 1

Wrote this late one night… hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the amazing Stephanie Meyers does…

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I sat against the wall just struggling to breath. My chest felt like a heavy weight of sadness and depression. I was lifeless, for my life held no importance to me. My guardian angel had left me, alone to wallow in my misery.

_Will you give your love to me?_

_Beg my broken heart to beat,_

_Save my life, change my mind_

It was raining but then in forks this wasn't anything new. It felt like the weather was in agreement with me. Crying, dying the effects of a broken heart. The depression settling in the hole where my heart lies broken……..never to be fixed….

_And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall._

_Pour real life down on me._

_'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough._

_Am I good enough for you to love me too?_

Why did you leave me? This runs through my mind swirling in my thoughts making me dizzy. My head whirls. He left me. My heart clenches… the pain is to much to bear….. to see his sweet face NO I won't think of him…. I want to run… find him make him mend my broken heart I wonder if he is in as much pain as me…

_So run, run, run_

_And hate me, if it feels good._

_I can't hear your screams anymore_

Time passes it doesn't disturb me….I think people walk in and go out…my father….at one point my mother… they must be worried I don't care my world is gone. My heart is gone. My life is gone. The pain continues…

_Feels like the weight of the world,_

_Like all my screaming has gone unheard._

_And oh, I know you don't believe in me._

_Safe in the dark, how can you see?_

They're packing? I'm not going anywhere…. I scream. They look at me, I can see their fear of the shell I've become. I look at them 'I'm not going anywhere…he'll be back.' I slide down the wall they look at me and then each other. 'leave' I know I must sound cold but its how I feel…the only way I feel. They finally leave…leave me to wallow in the memories….

_Even though I'm the sacrifice,_

_You won't try for me, not now._

_Though I'd die to know you love me,_

_I'm all alone._

_Isn't someone missing me?_

I miss him. His scent, love, face, laugh…everything. Does he miss me? Does he feel the pain? The raw burning pain of rejection? Loneliness? The weight to big for anyone pressing against his heart trying to suffocate him? I feel that. Every pain. All the loneliness in the world is not enough for me. The thing that hurts the most is the pain of rejection. I thought he loved me? Does he?

_So far away._

_It's growing colder without your love._

_Why can't you feel me calling your name?_

_Can't break the silence,_

_It's breaking me._

_All my fears turn to rage_.

The anger. Hot, swift burning. It runs through my body like a drug. Seducing my mind. I have every right to be angry. What happened to forever? What the hell happened to love? The love that broke my heart? I throw something against the wall. I know not what it was but I'm not feeling in the mood to care. My hand finds something else. It hits the wall and breaks. I hear the sound of breaking glass. I hear my door creek. 'Bella?' I hear a voice. I recognize it as my fathers. 'Bella are you alright?' I look at him. One of my cold dead looks. 'What do you think?' I look away and he leaves…oh Edward….

_Now that you're gone,_

_I feel like myself again._

_Grieving the things I can't repair and willing..._

The name. Not his name. NO I will not think his name. the pain oh the pain. The room whirls. I scream. My throat starts to go raw. The sobs soon follow, the tears flowing making tracks of pain down my face dripping down to the ground. It rains harder the sky weeping with me. The thunder roles, crying out its anger and desperation. The lightening cracks like the pieces of my broken heart. My life dripping out of me, my energy, my soul. When was the last time I slept? Ate? They became things only living people do. I'm a shell, of a former living being I used to be. My screaming stops my sobs decrease. The tears still fall. I'm so tired. I feel my vision go black. The storm calms. Sweet blessed nothing ness. No thoughts. Nothing. Just before the blackness swallows me. I see his face. I reach up to touch it only to find air. The blackness swallows me whole.

_Stay low._

_Soft, dark, and dreamless,_

_Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness._

_I hate me,_

_For breathing without you._

_I don't want to feel anymore for you._

_Grieving for you,_

_I'm not grieving for you._

_Nothing real love can't undo,_

_And though I may have lost my way,_

_All paths lead straight to you…_


	2. Chapter 2

Here are the lyrics and what songs they came from.

They are all from Evanescence

Will you give your love to me?

Beg my broken heart to beat,

Save my life, change my mind

-_Cloud nine_

And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall.

Pour real life down on me.

'Cause I can't hold on to anything this good enough.

Am I good enough for you to love me too?

-_Good enough_

So run, run, run

And hate me, if it feels good.

I can't hear your screams anymore

-_The last song I'm wasting on you_

Feels like the weight of the world,

Like all my screaming has gone unheard.

And oh, I know you don't believe in me.

Safe in the dark, how can you see?

-_Weight of the world_

Even though I'm the sacrifice,

You won't try for me, not now.

Though I'd die to know you love me,

I'm all alone.

Isn't someone missing me?

-_Missing_

So far away.

It's growing colder without your love.

Why can't you feel me calling your name?

Can't break the silence,

It's breaking me.

All my fears turn to rage.

-_Your star_

Now that you're gone,

I feel like myself again.

Grieving the things I can't repair and willing...

-_Lacrymosa_

Stay low.

Soft, dark, and dreamless,

Far beneath my nightmares and loneliness.

I hate me,

For breathing without you.

I don't want to feel anymore for you.

Grieving for you,

I'm not grieving for you.

Nothing real love can't undo,

And though I may have lost my way,

All paths lead straight to you.

-_Like you_

Thanks for reading please review I hope you liked it!


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